I am a christian so I go to church on every Sunday morning. After I was graduate from junior high school, I started to learn how to play guitar and came to another church called Peniel. In the Peniel, there is a band on the stage playing music to praise our God. Our minister also stand on the stage and lead the whole church to praise. I was also a praier then.
On a Sunday morning, I came to curch as usual. The band was also on the stage. After thirty minutes, minister stopped singing and looked at the band. He felt something strange on the band. Then, He looked at all of us and called me up to stage to play the guitar. I was so surprised at that moment. I was also very curious why the minister call me up. The church have other guitar players who are better than me, but I didn’t know the reason why the minister want to choose me.
When I standed on the stage, I was very nervious. I learn guitar only three monthes. I thought that I didn’t play well. Nevertheless, the other misical player talked to me that what I need to do now is try my best and don’t think about any other things.
Although now I play guitar on the stage for a long time, I don’t really sure whether I have this ability to play on this stage. On the other hand, I experiense many things that is different from our real world. I have the chance to learn how to play in a band and I also learned that praise to our God is a very important thing in my life.
Hi Daniel,
回覆刪除Please check the following mistakes.
1. I am a christian so I go to church on every Sunday morning.
every Sunday morning是時間副詞了不用on
2. After I was graduate from junior high school, I started to learn how to play guitar and came to another church called Peniel.
用After I graduated from junior high school,
用play the guitar
用 and came to this church called Peniel
3. Our minister also stand on the stage and lead the whole church to praise.
用stands...leads
第二 praise是及物動詞
4.
I was also a praier then. 這一句刪掉
5. On a Sunday morning, I came to curch as usual. The band was also on the stage.
把這兩句改成: On a Sunday morning, the church had a morning sermon and had the band play hymns on the stage as usual. 這樣才知道你們當時是在敬拜了
6.After thirty minutes, minister stopped singing and looked at the band.
用 the minister
7. He felt something strange on the band. Then, He looked at all of us and called me up to stage to play the guitar.
用to the stage
8. I was so surprised at that moment. I was also very curious why the minister call me up.
call的時態
9. The church have other guitar players who are better than me, but I didn’t know the reason why the minister want to choose me.
這一句都是講當時吧, 所以都要用過去式
10. When I standed on the stage, I was very nervious.
stand的過去式再查一下
11. I learn guitar only three monthes. I thought that I didn’t play well.
for only three months
12. Nevertheless, the other misical player talked to me that what I need to do now is try my best and don’t think about any other things.
第一misical拼錯
第二the other 是指定另一個，可是這裏看不出來你有指定任何人喔, 用on of the bank members talked to me that...
第三、what I need to do now is try my best and don't think about any other things要改成: what I needed to do was try my best and stopped thinking about any other things
13. Although now I play guitar on the stage for a long time, I don’t really sure whether I have this ability to play on this stage.
用have played the guitar
用 I am not really sure
我想你的guitar能力是OK的
14.On the other hand, I experiense many things that is different from our real world.
第一、為什麼是跟真實世界不同的呢? 這一句的用字有問題喔
第二、experiense拼錯
15. I have the chance to learn how to play in a band and I also learned that praise to our God is a very important thing in my life.
改 ...that giving praise to our God is ...