After I became a Chaoyang University student, I knew that the student needs to clean the campus in the first year. Because we have to clean our campus for three years when we were in the senior high school, I didn’t think it was a trouble for me. I cleaned the blackboard every day when I was a senior high school student. Although I have to spend almost 30 minutes cleaning the blackboard, I think that is worth for me to do this. Because the classmates and I can have the clean blackboard in the class, I am glad to do this. Nevertheless, in Chaoyang, because it is a college, we don’t have to clean the campus three times a day. We can choose what time we want to do the cleanup every day. Therefore, I think that labor education in college is easy.Even though I think positively of the labor education, some others may consider it as a time-wasting activity. However, we can have a clean campus if each of the students spends fifteen minutes cleaning it every day. On the other hand, because of we need to clean our campus only in the first year, I think all of us should try our best to do it.
Hi Daniel,
回覆刪除1. 請再看一次題目。
2. 我覺得你的開頭的個句子(以句號計算)跟結束的兩個句子非常好。很切題，而且充分表達了你對Labor Education的看法。給你鼓鼓掌。
3. In general, 文法也不錯，看得出來有用心 (although I still found some mistakes)
4. 然而，比較美中不足的事是，中間那一段對於labor education有分三個時段的分析，我還是覺得比較沒有那麼完全的給它切題說。中間這一段比較像是"請分析不同時段勞動教育對學生的influence"或"請談論你最喜歡哪個時段的勞動教育並說明原因。"
5. I understand你想先跟讀者說明你是參與了勞動教育的哪一個時段跟說明其原因，但是這一段卻變成了你的body paragraph(雖然你沒分段，但很明顯這就是body paragraph)，而body paragraph就是論述全文重點的地方喲，這也是為什麼我會認為你的這一篇除了開頭跟結束很切題外，中間那一段比較沒有那麼完全的給它切題，使得這篇較像是"請分析不同時段勞動教育對學生的influence"或"請談論你最喜歡哪個時段的勞動教育並說明原因。"
其他的就是小文法問題:
1. Because we have to clean our campus for three years when we were in the junior high school, I didn’t think it was a trouble for me.
(1). have的時態要過去式
(2). 這個想法很好
2. We have three choices for the labor education in our school that is different from the junior high school.
我覺得可以改成: However, different from that in junior high school, we have three time sessions to choose for the labor education.
3. The first one is the morning labor education. Someone who has to clean the campus every morning should gets up early.
請檢查should gets up
4. For this reason, I don’t like the morning labor education.
for this reason用得好
5. However, students come to school early will not be late for the first class is the advantage for the morning labor education.
(1) students come to school will not be late for the first class 這一句你的關係代名詞用法有問題
(2) is the advantage...education的主詞是一個句子，想一下該如何修改?
6. Although sometimes it may be considered as a thing that is wasted time, we can have a clean campus if each of the students spent fifteen minutes to clean the campus every day.
(1)這個點不錯
(2) that is wasted time的文法有問題
(3) 為什麼spent要用過去式?
(4) spend + Ving
7. On the other hand, because of we need to clean our campus only in the first year, I think all of us should try our best to do it.
(1)請檢查because of 後是加子句還是名詞
(2)能夠有postive thoughts真是難得
By the way, the picture is great!
回覆刪除